Death and tears

I remember this one time when the elder of a church I was attending passed on and the memorial service brought out thousands of church members and visitors. His son, another pastor, had flown back from the US to give eulogy and tribute to his father.

Now I was not particularly close to the deceased elder or any of his family for that matter. Perhaps just mere acquaintances as it was one of the largest churches in the country with close to 10,000 attendees each Sunday. Neither was it a church that I had a close affinity or bond to as I can be quite a cynic when it comes to large churches, preferring for smaller settings.

However, what amazed me on the morning of the memorial service was that I had broken down with near uncontrollable sobs, and promptly hurried off to leave.

Some had wondered whether my distress was because it reminded me of my mother’s own death, some 15 years prior. Well, the answer is both yes and no.

While it did remind me of m mother’s passing, it was not so much the sadness that comes from knowing that I’ll never be able to see the person who meant the most to me at that time again. Rather, it was about the elder’s son who had to be “strong” to deliver his eulogy to everyone.

I know, I’ve been there before where for the sake of your Christian faith and the acknowledgement that there is life after in heaven that the weight of having to foster and reinforce that reality to everyone attending really hurts… yet, you could not allow yourself to breakdown, since we had a “duty” to uphold the very faith we believe in at all costs, yes even at our own mother’s funeral.

“Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.” - 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

And so although the service was a tribute to the passing away of a man who gave much of his natural life to found and nurture a small band of Christians to becoming one of the largest churches in the country, it was more of the resilience of his son and the duty he had to continue the good work of his father that brought me to tears. Yes, it is true when it is said that it isn’t the dead that we need to worry for, rather, the living.

So ye, I remember having to contain my grief and tears (to the amazement of quite a number of relatives present) at my mother’s funeral, not because I loved her any less, but because I had to serve as a living reminder of the reality of the Christian faith and the life hereafter. I’m sure my mom would have been proud of me… and that’s what counts.