The reality of "realities"

Ever get that sinking feeling that no amount of goodness one does ever helps? You know, the times when you look all around you and find that it’s really not worth keeping your head above the waters of the world? How the bad always seem to be reaping all the benefits of their misdeeds and the good gets crapped all over?

Yes, many times over we hear the words how reality dictates that we all have to be cruel and crude to survive in this world and that the notions of good reigning triumphant over evil is nothing more than mere fairytale words. In short, life is money and money is life… after all, that’s why everyone’s fighting to climb one over the other, isn’t it? That’s why

Yes, I hear that all the time too and many a times, I succumbed to its lure also. But a life lived in pursuit of material possessions by whatever means (and usually, that meant screwing others over) is a life that’s even sadder than anything you can ever imagine.

But facts are facts, you may say. After all, one cannot deny seeing the realities that such cruelty brings – fame, fortune and luxury. How is it that these people always seem to be able to get away with it all? Perhaps we, too, ought to follow suit? After all, the world seems to be like that, doesn’t it?

Here, I would like to argue a point that perhaps that is not reality, for reality (or “the world”) is how we dictate how we are seeing, how we want to see and how we will choose to see it in our minds. Can you even imagine putting a price tag on human life? We do that all the time.

This person’s worth a quarter million dollars, that person’s worth four billion dollars. How then, about the ones like you and me who are in negative territories? Heck, that would make us worth less than nothing. What? My God-given life, conceived against billions of odds on the only planet in this whole wide world that is perfect and able to support human life and to have that measured by paper (aka money)? This very same paper that people have committed suicide over their inabilities to pay off debts?

Not only is that sacrilege, but to have it as a master over us makes a mockery of all that which is humanity. And to say that that is “reality” is nothing more than grossly demeaning.

So, let me ask you again. What is reality?

What you see is not necessary reality. What others say is not necessary reality. What others do and seem to reap the “fruits” of their deeds is not necessary reality.

Reality is this: humanity.

Because at the root of it all, only humanity resides within our hearts, soul and mind. And if we would only realize to ourselves how real that is, how it is able to bubble and fizzle from within ourselves, it is in essence what they say, some thing that “money can’t buy” – happiness. Now, I’m not talking about a “happiness” that springs from being able to buy the latest bag, eat at the spanky new restaurant or go on a 30-day super vacation.

No, it is real happiness that is able to keep the window of hope open when we’re at the dungeon of despair. It is an intangible happiness that far surpasses tangible happiness (er… the one that can be bought with either paper or plastic). It is a happiness that no amount of possessions can ever hope exchange for. That happiness, my friend, comes from within.

So, again I ask you. What is reality? Isn’t it about time we change our “realities” to reality? It’s time to see how God sees us rather than how others see us. Now, that’s reality!

Shifting sands

As we continually look for stability and certainties in our lives as demonstrated most vividly by the lifestyles we seek, the jobs we go for, the education we pursue and the demands we have for our lives as well as for others, we failed to realize, or rather, refuse to acknowledge the fact that everything changes, including people.

I have seen priests becoming demons, and demons becoming angels. I have seen the good turn bad and the bad turn good. And in all these, there is only one thing constant – change.

Whether some would consider it evidence for the evolution of the human species, I wouldn’t know. Admittedly, I am not a specialist in that field, nor have an interest to study that field in detail either. But if it’s any consolation, I am not talking here about the evolution of humans, rather, the evolution of humanity. That is, the evolution of social interactions, the evolution of self-realisation and the evolution of thought.

So what on earth am I driving at here?

Well, I know that in many varied circumstances, we all seek some form of assurance, some form of certainty in which to live our lives. That is why we harbour dreams of our ideal partner, our ideal lifestyles, ideal homes, ideal jobs and even ideal ideals (philosophies on which to base our life principles on).

Yet, this is all too fundamentally flawed, fantasies we’d like to see. Even though we know that change is constant and there is never assurances in life, nor will there be, we’d still like to think that we are special way above everyone else and that it’s all going to be different for us somehow.

I’m so sorry to burst your bubble. We’re not. It’s just that it’s happening to us and that’s why we feel the pinch more than anyone else.

Having said that, we can formulate and crystallize our sense of self actualization or as some would call it, self discovery, to deal with our lives that’s less than perfect.

See, for us to be able to see and admit to ourselves that change is constant, even within ourselves, is the first step towards dealing with fluid elements in life such as change. Knowing and acknowledging that we can change from being a priest to a devil (and vice-versa) at the flicker of a moment, we can then learn also of ways to stabilize and make our thoughts and emotions constant to a certain degree for that’s about as realistic we can ever come to encapsulating constant-cy.

Some call this “coming into one’s own”, others, more crudely as “getting old” and therefore becoming more “sage-like”. I’d like to just call it as self-actualization… or as the Bart-man, Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet : “This above all: to thine own self be true.
And it must follow, as the night the day. Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

So, first step to self-actualization? Acknowledging the truth that nothing is ever constant except change… both in others and ourselves. Know our weaknesses and strengths and formulate our principles more realistically, not by the standards the society has set, but rather, by our own self-actualizations.

Living for another

Here’s one that I cannot seem to be able to emphasize well enough. It has to do with a lot of us that harbour all our hopes and futures on either someone else or something. It’s as though we were created merely to add value to someone else’s life.

Granted, the Bible talks about a wife’s submission to her husband quite clearly. But honestly, I cannot for the life of me agree with that. And the only leeway of explaining it away would be perhaps be in the social context of that time period. See, while the Bible may be infallible in terms of theology, I believe there are certain elements, especially in regard to social conditions and implications that do play into what is written and should also be accorded some slack.

I guess what I’m basically driving at is that I believe in the independence of the individual as a person. In this sense, men and women are both created equal and therefore to have anyone living his or her life for another is almost sacrilege.

Unless one can find true happiness with his or her own life, it is totally foolish to think that we can find that happiness in the form of another human being. Unless we can find peace within ourselves, we cannot and will not find real peace in another person whom we harbour all our hopes, dreams and aspirations. Humans are humans after all, not God. Yes, we all screw up and it is unfair to assume that another can replace God, regardless.

Women, just like men have fought in wars, strove through hardships and gone through periods of having to bear responsibility as “heads of households” and to have that birthright as individuals disregarded is not only sexist in nature, but it also devalues each person as humans. Yes, we own animals. We own things, possessions and properties, but we do not own another human being. That’s nothing more than slavery, well at least the last time I checked.

Like it or not, unless we start respecting each individual as a person and not a possession, then we can perhaps begin to inch onward in the sphere of the development of humanity as was meant to be.

So if you’re someone who lives for another, who has all your hopes, dreams and meaning in life placed onto another, perhaps it is time to dig deeper to find the real core of happiness, fulfillment and meaning in no one else but yourself. Because unless you’re able to do that, you will never have real happiness, real fulfillment or real meaning.

And no, it is not nobler to place your life in the hands of another, it’s just irresponsible, both towards yourself and the other.

Optimism and pessimism

Someone once told me a parable at some motivational seminar eons ago and it went something like this:

Two separate rooms, one had a horse in it and another, a metre high of manure (a.k.a. shit). Now, if you put a pessimistic child in the one with the horse, he goes “Urgh, no! A horse, that means there’ll be a lot of manure to deal with”. Put in an optimistic child in the room filled with manure and he’ll go “Wahoo! Where’s there’s manure, there’s bound to be a horse in here somewhere!”

Now, I’m not sure whether that story had and bearing on myself through the years, but nowadays, I can get pretty optimistic if I wanted to. And thankfully, at times like these when inflation is at an all time high and everyone seems to be struggling just to make ends meet, optimism seems to be the only good thing that’s left. It’s either that or to resign ourselves to well… nothingness.

But then that would really be a very sad state of affair if one has to live a life that’s nothing more than mere existence, devoid of anything that’s remotely good that one can achieve. After all, given the billions of odds for each one of us to be conceived from our mother’s womb to experience this world and to have that just thrown away because we’re having a rather hard life to contend with… that’s just not right.

See, what I’m just trying to say is that we all average what they call “three scores and ten” years of life, that is, about 70 years, give and take a few. Now that adds up to approximately 20,000 days only. It’s quite little if you think about it seriously.

So, ultimately, we have to decide whether we honestly want to throw away our lives because it’s just not cut out to be what we’ve expected or force ourselves to be optimists. Yes, I said force ourselves. I don’t believe that optimism is a birthright. It is something that’s learned and developed over time. It is something that’s there to help us make sense of a senseless world.

It’s having the knack to want to see the silver lining in every darkened cloud… regardless. It’s about telling yourself that though you might never find a horse after plough-ing through that metre high manure, you might even find bio-diesel (aka. compost and refined manure). Now at a time when petrol prices top USD140 a barrel, hell… that manure’s definitely worth more as manure than as merely horse dung or even the horse itself.

Taking on the world

A defeated and exiled Napoleon Bonaparte makes a history return from the Island of Elba in March 1815 on the shores near Antibes with only 1,200 men to retake Paris and regain rule over France. This at a time when King Loius XVIII had easy access to more than 120,000 reservists to crush the coup.

Fast forward to more than a century later and we have Fidel Castro, who in 1956 landed in Oriente Province with only 82 men to well, to topple Batista’s rule. Starved, sick, wounded, killed or captured, the numbers soon dwindled to 12 as they fled to the Sierra Maestra mountain range to form their guerrilla operations base.

His words were later to echo “I began revolution with 82 men. If I had to do it again, I do it with 10 or 15 and absolute faith. It does not matter how small you are if you have faith and plan of action.”

Ah yes, two of my favourite generals whom I’m always in awe with. Single-minded determination, fervor and resolute, it is truly mind-boggling what they’ve achieved. And mind you, these aren’t figures of fiction. These are real people in real time whom we all have a historical link with one way or the other through the lineage of humanity.

But aside also from mad and lunatic determination, these two men have very powerful arsenals on their side, apart from guns and such. While bullets may run out, guns jammed and knives blunt, both Napoleon and Castro have the respect of their men as their most powerful weapon, one that is intrinsic yet measures much more powerful than battalions of enemy fire.

Because of the small and sometimes insignificant acts of comradeship between Napoleon and his men, they regarded him as one of them and would readily sacrifice their lives for him. Though the Commander-in-Chief, he was very much as soldier himself and therefore understood their lives, having lived with his men at battlefields throughout his conquest. And when he returned from Elba to retake the country, opposing forces gave up their arms willingly to rejoin him. He went onto become one of the world’s most prolific and respected military leaders.

Likewise, Castro, in implementing guerilla warfare against Batista’s reign, ensured the highest level of discipline among his troops, purchasing for whatever they needed from the population and not taking advantage of the situation to loot and plunder. See, he understood very well that the winning over of the hearts and minds of the people is his greatest undertaking and his greatest asset. Eventually, the country returned the favour by ousting Batista and installing Castro as their leader. He, as we may all be well aware of, went on to become the world’s longest serving leader with close to half a century of rule.

So once again, it is possible for one man to change the world? Hell, why not? We need to remind ourselves again and again that it isn’t the arsenal that matters, it is the most intrinsic of things, the sometimes insignificant things that will ultimately change the world. So, never underestimate the power of goodness, however little, that resides in each of us. The need to see and defend justice and charity for humanity’s sake is good enough a reason to fight for.

That, after all, is what differentiates the convenient followers of the masses and the ones that are destined for glory. We’ve always admired champions, perhaps its time to become one ourselves.