There is a tendency within us all to shift responsibilities that we crave for or are unable to live up to ourselves upon the shoulders others, whether it be our spouses or friends. And this is often masked with expectations for the others to fulfill – that which we ourselves are unable to fulfill.
What am I talking about?
The many issues of morality, social responsibilities and character traits which we place upon someone else to live up to, which we ourselves are unable to do so. And what is even more striking is that we “demand” that our spouses or friends fulfill these expectations to an absolute.
More often than not, too, we make provide a convenient escape for ourselves through various ways and means, whether it be on a platform of “nobleness” or “self-sacrifice” where we tell our spouses or friends that we are unable or do not have the capabilities to pursue what we want them to. We then proceed to harbour hopes and aspirations that they can achieve what we have failed or are failing to achieve.
To be honest, there is no nobleness or self-sacrifice in our actions.
See, the burden to fulfill achievements and responsibilities should and must rest squarely on our own shoulders… regardless. For this is what is mean in the words of the Bible when it says that each person must bear their own crosses. There is no exception.
Therefore, to expect and/or make another bear our crosses, be it our spouses or friends or even mere acquaintances is not only irresponsible, it is cruel. And for those that do try to bear another’s cross, that too, is irresponsible and cruel because while the intentions may sound noble, when we do not allow another to carry their own responsibilities, we are prolonging the crippling process of self-actualisation for the other. We are not God, nor do we have the capability to sustain or shoulder such undertakings.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Full and absolute responsibility
We have great admiration for leaders and people who have taken full and absolute responsibilities for their decisions, actions and results that arise from their charge or even those that are not a direct result of their doing, but consequences from subordinates.
Yes, they are the ones that take full responsibilities for direct or indirect results if for nothing more than honour and dignity. And then there are those that are blatantly cowards, leader whom we see over and again blaming others for just about anything that go wrong and taking credit undeservingly for things that do go right.
Okay, enough said of leaders and such. Once again, I would like to bring this matter to heart on a micro level and address it to everyone, myself included.
See, the essence of bearing full and absolute responsibility for one’s actions or inactions is the first step towards being honest with ourselves. Yes, there will be countless times that things seems to spin out of our sphere where circumstances can be seen as “partly” or “fully” to be blamed for. But in truth, it is our response to it that matters more and to be fully accountable for our decisions thereafter.
For example, if natural disasters strike, our first reaction is to blame God and all. Second comes the blame on environmental change brought about by irresponsible industrialist that exploit everything for monetary gains. Yes, all that is part to blame, even to a large extend also. But that has happened. But we also have to look deep inside ourselves to realize that the response and responsibility to rebuild lies solely in our hands.
Then there are other responsibilities that we must also take in full, regardless of how much it reveals our character flaws, both to the world as well as to ourselves. Yes, to live up to the expectations of a persona that is all good, morally upright and such can be tiring. We are all after all human and there is nothing good or morally upright about each of us and to have such high and lofty expectations of ourselves is nothing more than trying to play God.
True, we are all called to thread the footsteps of godliness, but that does not mean that we have to do so at the complete expense of being truthful. For then, that push to stay godly becomes a lie altogether.
See, the more we look introspectively at a mirror, the more we will come to the realisation that we are all imperfect. Hence, if we are to make decisions or even indecisions, let us be true to ourselves and admit that we do so because we want to do so and not because of circumstances and such.
Yes, circumstances may feel very much like the reasons for our distress and pain, but circumstances are innate. We, on the other hand have thoughts, emotions and feelings that separate us as human beings from lifelessness.
Only when we are able to do that that we will be taking full and absolute responsibility for everything and for our lives. Only then will honour and dignity mean what it should mean, regardless of how much mud and slime it may come with.
Yes, they are the ones that take full responsibilities for direct or indirect results if for nothing more than honour and dignity. And then there are those that are blatantly cowards, leader whom we see over and again blaming others for just about anything that go wrong and taking credit undeservingly for things that do go right.
Okay, enough said of leaders and such. Once again, I would like to bring this matter to heart on a micro level and address it to everyone, myself included.
See, the essence of bearing full and absolute responsibility for one’s actions or inactions is the first step towards being honest with ourselves. Yes, there will be countless times that things seems to spin out of our sphere where circumstances can be seen as “partly” or “fully” to be blamed for. But in truth, it is our response to it that matters more and to be fully accountable for our decisions thereafter.
For example, if natural disasters strike, our first reaction is to blame God and all. Second comes the blame on environmental change brought about by irresponsible industrialist that exploit everything for monetary gains. Yes, all that is part to blame, even to a large extend also. But that has happened. But we also have to look deep inside ourselves to realize that the response and responsibility to rebuild lies solely in our hands.
Then there are other responsibilities that we must also take in full, regardless of how much it reveals our character flaws, both to the world as well as to ourselves. Yes, to live up to the expectations of a persona that is all good, morally upright and such can be tiring. We are all after all human and there is nothing good or morally upright about each of us and to have such high and lofty expectations of ourselves is nothing more than trying to play God.
True, we are all called to thread the footsteps of godliness, but that does not mean that we have to do so at the complete expense of being truthful. For then, that push to stay godly becomes a lie altogether.
See, the more we look introspectively at a mirror, the more we will come to the realisation that we are all imperfect. Hence, if we are to make decisions or even indecisions, let us be true to ourselves and admit that we do so because we want to do so and not because of circumstances and such.
Yes, circumstances may feel very much like the reasons for our distress and pain, but circumstances are innate. We, on the other hand have thoughts, emotions and feelings that separate us as human beings from lifelessness.
Only when we are able to do that that we will be taking full and absolute responsibility for everything and for our lives. Only then will honour and dignity mean what it should mean, regardless of how much mud and slime it may come with.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Changing the world
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Remedy for depression
Everyday living, and the enormous amount of family, work, money and other related stresses that we all go through on the wheel of daily grind, to the countless and seemingly endless times when we honestly feel that life isn’t worth living anymore, we sink helplessly into depression.
While most of us can still yoke a bare existence in zombie-like conditions to numb ourselves to the harsh realities of life, some of us will entertain thoughts of suicide.
But more often than not, when we’re at the apex of depression, where we are at our lowest ebb in life and there seem to be no other way out except to “end it all”, and a friend or stranger comes along who desperately needs emotional support, or even just a friendly ear, somehow, somewhere deep within us, wells up a spring of fresh water.
For that moment, however brief, we drop all thoughts of depression and swiftly move into help provide whatever we could to help him/her out. It’s an irony, if you consider it since we are actuality in no position of capacity to offer aid.
But see, that’s just it. We all come with a charitable heart, endowed by our Creator. This heart sits at the very centre of our being and although at many times over in our lives we have either compartmentalized it, swept it under the carpet or simply chose to whitewash it away as a means to harden ourselves up to face the “realities of life”, it still resides within, regardless.
Hence, there are and will be many times when it wells up periodically, whether it is masked as institutionalized charity giving, weekend big brother/big sister programmes or even just dropping off a few coins to the beggar along the street, it is there… no denying it.
Yes, there are countless times also when we choose to be monsters, speaking and acting against charity, against humanity, against any form of goodness on the pretext that it is a sign of weakness or fallacy in today’s world, we all harbour that God-given element within us. We are created as such.
See, even at the lowest ebb of our being, when relationships falter, a loved one passes on or even being so enormously debt-ridden, we will still have “a little time left” to help out that friend or stranger who is reaching out for a little help. We do it because charity, humanity and goodness give us opportunities to exercise our purpose in life.
See, our true purpose in life is not to make the Forbes 100 World’s Most Powerful or Richest list, or to live a life of bare existence from paycheck to paycheck until we reach the grave at three scores and ten, but it is towards our fellow human beings.
It is the only thing separating us from animals, that while do not have aspirations to be the most powerful or gain the largest amount of wealth, neither possess conscientious need for that purpose of again… charity, humanity and all that is good.
Maybe it’s high time we dedicate ourselves to our real purpose instead of all that we’ve been after all this while…
While most of us can still yoke a bare existence in zombie-like conditions to numb ourselves to the harsh realities of life, some of us will entertain thoughts of suicide.
But more often than not, when we’re at the apex of depression, where we are at our lowest ebb in life and there seem to be no other way out except to “end it all”, and a friend or stranger comes along who desperately needs emotional support, or even just a friendly ear, somehow, somewhere deep within us, wells up a spring of fresh water.
For that moment, however brief, we drop all thoughts of depression and swiftly move into help provide whatever we could to help him/her out. It’s an irony, if you consider it since we are actuality in no position of capacity to offer aid.
But see, that’s just it. We all come with a charitable heart, endowed by our Creator. This heart sits at the very centre of our being and although at many times over in our lives we have either compartmentalized it, swept it under the carpet or simply chose to whitewash it away as a means to harden ourselves up to face the “realities of life”, it still resides within, regardless.
Hence, there are and will be many times when it wells up periodically, whether it is masked as institutionalized charity giving, weekend big brother/big sister programmes or even just dropping off a few coins to the beggar along the street, it is there… no denying it.
Yes, there are countless times also when we choose to be monsters, speaking and acting against charity, against humanity, against any form of goodness on the pretext that it is a sign of weakness or fallacy in today’s world, we all harbour that God-given element within us. We are created as such.
See, even at the lowest ebb of our being, when relationships falter, a loved one passes on or even being so enormously debt-ridden, we will still have “a little time left” to help out that friend or stranger who is reaching out for a little help. We do it because charity, humanity and goodness give us opportunities to exercise our purpose in life.
See, our true purpose in life is not to make the Forbes 100 World’s Most Powerful or Richest list, or to live a life of bare existence from paycheck to paycheck until we reach the grave at three scores and ten, but it is towards our fellow human beings.
It is the only thing separating us from animals, that while do not have aspirations to be the most powerful or gain the largest amount of wealth, neither possess conscientious need for that purpose of again… charity, humanity and all that is good.
Maybe it’s high time we dedicate ourselves to our real purpose instead of all that we’ve been after all this while…
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Truthfulness
Admittedly, this is another highly insightful and penetrating thought that I’ve to credit my dear brother once again. He’s been an avid supporter of my blog and even complimented me on how it has been getting deeper each time, something that he had taken his whole life to understand. Now, that really meant the whole world to me since he’s about one of the very, very few people whom I truly admire in this world.
What he pointed out can best be simplified in one sentence – “For truth to be truth, it has first got to be free”. Now, I know it may seem like a very simple thing but believe me it’s reality can be truly overwhelming.
Yes, applied to a macro perspective, we can readily see it in the lifelong fight for democracies and such where freedom is fought for in exchange for truth. But here, I would like to bring it closer to home. That is, to ourselves and how we often than not, in while seeking for truth in our lives, refuse to let freedom rule first. As a result, we gag truth with such elements ranging from “love” and “respect”, to “responsibilities”.
Don’t recognize it? How about the times when we’ve allowed for jealousy to have free reign when it’s honestly not about loving someone, but rather possessing someone? Or about the times when we’ve made another person obligate themselves to us because we cannot stand to lose? We label them conveniently and sometimes unconscientious as “love”, “respect” and “responsibilities”.
See, we have refused to allow others to be free to make choices that are truthful, both to ourselves and them. There is a whole lot of truth with author Richard Bach’s words when he wrote “When you love someone set them free. If they come back they are yours; if they don’t they never were.”
If we are truly serious about being truthful in our lives, regardless of how much it may hurt, we have to let freedom reign first and foremost. This means no catches, no strings attached and no conditions. Freedom is truth. And if we truly respect others as persons and not possessions, then we have to make a conscientious choice to be truthful and to have that truth based on absolute freedom.
Without freedom, there is no truth.
What he pointed out can best be simplified in one sentence – “For truth to be truth, it has first got to be free”. Now, I know it may seem like a very simple thing but believe me it’s reality can be truly overwhelming.
Yes, applied to a macro perspective, we can readily see it in the lifelong fight for democracies and such where freedom is fought for in exchange for truth. But here, I would like to bring it closer to home. That is, to ourselves and how we often than not, in while seeking for truth in our lives, refuse to let freedom rule first. As a result, we gag truth with such elements ranging from “love” and “respect”, to “responsibilities”.
Don’t recognize it? How about the times when we’ve allowed for jealousy to have free reign when it’s honestly not about loving someone, but rather possessing someone? Or about the times when we’ve made another person obligate themselves to us because we cannot stand to lose? We label them conveniently and sometimes unconscientious as “love”, “respect” and “responsibilities”.
See, we have refused to allow others to be free to make choices that are truthful, both to ourselves and them. There is a whole lot of truth with author Richard Bach’s words when he wrote “When you love someone set them free. If they come back they are yours; if they don’t they never were.”
If we are truly serious about being truthful in our lives, regardless of how much it may hurt, we have to let freedom reign first and foremost. This means no catches, no strings attached and no conditions. Freedom is truth. And if we truly respect others as persons and not possessions, then we have to make a conscientious choice to be truthful and to have that truth based on absolute freedom.
Without freedom, there is no truth.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Freewill
Freewill. Yes, I know that we all agree to a great length on what it means and even would vouch tooth and nail to defend it. But here, I would like to offer something that’s going to piss a lot of so called proponents of this thing we call freewill.
Let’s set the record right first. I believe freewill to be the single most significant inherent right of each individual, that’s God-given and one that should not and cannot be alienated from every individual. This is the absolute freedom to make choices and be wholly accountable for one’s own actions.
Having said this, I find it a great contradiction in terms when the very people that champion its rights seek to destroy the very fabric that makes up freewill.
I’m talking about the suppression of freewill through ways and means that may not seem as visually dramatic or straightforward as say the imprisonment and torture of opposition by some military junta in some ruthless despot-ruled nation.
What I’m talking about is the “need” by some to lord over the lives of others either through the umbrella of religion, philosophy or morality or even emotionally.
How many times over and again do we hear of how threats, both veiled and otherwise are used from the pulpit to “safeguard the morality of the people” where hailstorms and the brimstones of hell await those that do not adhere? Emotionally-wise, how many times have we come across emotional blackmail, both that are “morally right” and that which is done at the namesake of maintaining family unity.
Bringing this onto a ground level perspective – parents that harbour and place life-long responsibility toward children to be filial to them as their parents had done to them before, husbands and wives that place tremendous emotional conditions for each other to conform as how society sees marriage and family and friends to each other to collapse on as emotional crutches. In all cases, there is always a catch, a leash to tie another person down to be subservient to us.
How we’d like to term it, whenever we seek to control another person’s freewill, whether intentionally or otherwise, whether outwardly or inwardly, whether harshly or softly… we have taken to playing God over another… something of pure travesty since God himself even refused to do that since it is the most precious of all gifts given to each and every individual. This is the gift that separates humans from all other living beings.
And therefore, no measure of so called “morality” and “for the goodness of”, whether disguised or otherwise makes it right to seek such conformity, such subservience… neither religion, philosophy, morality or emotions, collectively or as individuals.
Now, do we all really understand freewill? Perhaps not as much as we should.
Let’s set the record right first. I believe freewill to be the single most significant inherent right of each individual, that’s God-given and one that should not and cannot be alienated from every individual. This is the absolute freedom to make choices and be wholly accountable for one’s own actions.
Having said this, I find it a great contradiction in terms when the very people that champion its rights seek to destroy the very fabric that makes up freewill.
I’m talking about the suppression of freewill through ways and means that may not seem as visually dramatic or straightforward as say the imprisonment and torture of opposition by some military junta in some ruthless despot-ruled nation.
What I’m talking about is the “need” by some to lord over the lives of others either through the umbrella of religion, philosophy or morality or even emotionally.
How many times over and again do we hear of how threats, both veiled and otherwise are used from the pulpit to “safeguard the morality of the people” where hailstorms and the brimstones of hell await those that do not adhere? Emotionally-wise, how many times have we come across emotional blackmail, both that are “morally right” and that which is done at the namesake of maintaining family unity.
Bringing this onto a ground level perspective – parents that harbour and place life-long responsibility toward children to be filial to them as their parents had done to them before, husbands and wives that place tremendous emotional conditions for each other to conform as how society sees marriage and family and friends to each other to collapse on as emotional crutches. In all cases, there is always a catch, a leash to tie another person down to be subservient to us.
How we’d like to term it, whenever we seek to control another person’s freewill, whether intentionally or otherwise, whether outwardly or inwardly, whether harshly or softly… we have taken to playing God over another… something of pure travesty since God himself even refused to do that since it is the most precious of all gifts given to each and every individual. This is the gift that separates humans from all other living beings.
And therefore, no measure of so called “morality” and “for the goodness of”, whether disguised or otherwise makes it right to seek such conformity, such subservience… neither religion, philosophy, morality or emotions, collectively or as individuals.
Now, do we all really understand freewill? Perhaps not as much as we should.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Kindness
Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness.
Amandine Aurore Lucile Dupin A.K.A. "George Sand" (1804 - 1876)
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Friendship
There are many phrases and words in the Bible which I cannot honestly say that I do not understand. Rather, it is more of an inability to accept what it says. However, there are some which may appear initially to be somewhat unacceptable by humanitarian terms, only to find that cultural and social contexts of modern day differs greatly from that of Biblical eras, resulting in conflicts.
Having said that, there root of many of its message and insight remains beautiful to the core, and surprisingly, cuts through even to modern day, especially when it came to the self-actualisation of an individual.
Take an example of the verse : “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends,” taken from John 15:13.
In modern-day Southeast Asia, at least, the social context of this reference is not so much noble as it is damaging. Yes, we’re all familiar with fathers that care more for their friends than their families, always willing to go the extra mile for them than their own wives or children. This, despite them knowing that their friends are no more than mere “fair weathered friends” while their families suffer through for the next meal.
In as much as I sympathize for these situations, may I offer this. It is not about the friends that they are going the extra mile for. Deep within, it is about themselves and the need or craving to satisfy their own longings while the “friends” that they have milling around are only conduits. It is about themselves and not any other for a person can be with a thousand people, both family and friends and yet, feel like he/she is alone on an island.
Having said this, I guess you would understand by now how John 15:13 feels more like something ugly, at least for a lot of Asian mindsets.
Yet, there is always a flipside to every circumstance and situation.
Let’s face it. “Greater love hath no man than this…” pretty much says it in black and while. This is the ultimate love factor. It is greater than the love that one has for loved ones or even for one’s own life. So, to have that stated is kinda, well, how should I say it? …Ouch!
But let’s look at it from another angle, that of a humanitarian viewpoint.
Who’s a friend? Someone apart from ourselves, that’s for sure.
Actually, both loved ones and friends can be friends, as well as the millions of people that need our help, not just for a good time, but more out of desperation. It’s a little hard to explain, but I guess people that you relate to on an emotional level. Yes, it is sad to admit that you can be laying next to your husband or wife and still not be able to relate to as friends. There is an emotional detachment that hurts especially when one is unable to be a friend to the other as perhaps they were at initial stages of courtship.
Over the years, that friendship seemed to have faded away. That’s truly sad.
Yet, at the very same time, when we have “discovered ourselves” or as author Gary Zukav’s book aptly titled “The Seat of the Soul” pretty much explains a settling-in of one’s own, then friends to us takes on a whole different meaning. It has become an extension of ourselves. Emotions that can be related to strangers or acquaintances (aka friends) will flow easier, although that may not necessary be so for our loved ones.
Maybe its also time to be a friend to them, too. Perhaps then, we can truly realize the words “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”
Having said that, there root of many of its message and insight remains beautiful to the core, and surprisingly, cuts through even to modern day, especially when it came to the self-actualisation of an individual.
Take an example of the verse : “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends,” taken from John 15:13.
In modern-day Southeast Asia, at least, the social context of this reference is not so much noble as it is damaging. Yes, we’re all familiar with fathers that care more for their friends than their families, always willing to go the extra mile for them than their own wives or children. This, despite them knowing that their friends are no more than mere “fair weathered friends” while their families suffer through for the next meal.
In as much as I sympathize for these situations, may I offer this. It is not about the friends that they are going the extra mile for. Deep within, it is about themselves and the need or craving to satisfy their own longings while the “friends” that they have milling around are only conduits. It is about themselves and not any other for a person can be with a thousand people, both family and friends and yet, feel like he/she is alone on an island.
Having said this, I guess you would understand by now how John 15:13 feels more like something ugly, at least for a lot of Asian mindsets.
Yet, there is always a flipside to every circumstance and situation.
Let’s face it. “Greater love hath no man than this…” pretty much says it in black and while. This is the ultimate love factor. It is greater than the love that one has for loved ones or even for one’s own life. So, to have that stated is kinda, well, how should I say it? …Ouch!
But let’s look at it from another angle, that of a humanitarian viewpoint.
Who’s a friend? Someone apart from ourselves, that’s for sure.
Actually, both loved ones and friends can be friends, as well as the millions of people that need our help, not just for a good time, but more out of desperation. It’s a little hard to explain, but I guess people that you relate to on an emotional level. Yes, it is sad to admit that you can be laying next to your husband or wife and still not be able to relate to as friends. There is an emotional detachment that hurts especially when one is unable to be a friend to the other as perhaps they were at initial stages of courtship.
Over the years, that friendship seemed to have faded away. That’s truly sad.
Yet, at the very same time, when we have “discovered ourselves” or as author Gary Zukav’s book aptly titled “The Seat of the Soul” pretty much explains a settling-in of one’s own, then friends to us takes on a whole different meaning. It has become an extension of ourselves. Emotions that can be related to strangers or acquaintances (aka friends) will flow easier, although that may not necessary be so for our loved ones.
Maybe its also time to be a friend to them, too. Perhaps then, we can truly realize the words “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
