Friendship

There are many phrases and words in the Bible which I cannot honestly say that I do not understand. Rather, it is more of an inability to accept what it says. However, there are some which may appear initially to be somewhat unacceptable by humanitarian terms, only to find that cultural and social contexts of modern day differs greatly from that of Biblical eras, resulting in conflicts.

Having said that, there root of many of its message and insight remains beautiful to the core, and surprisingly, cuts through even to modern day, especially when it came to the self-actualisation of an individual.

Take an example of the verse : “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends,” taken from John 15:13.

In modern-day Southeast Asia, at least, the social context of this reference is not so much noble as it is damaging. Yes, we’re all familiar with fathers that care more for their friends than their families, always willing to go the extra mile for them than their own wives or children. This, despite them knowing that their friends are no more than mere “fair weathered friends” while their families suffer through for the next meal.

In as much as I sympathize for these situations, may I offer this. It is not about the friends that they are going the extra mile for. Deep within, it is about themselves and the need or craving to satisfy their own longings while the “friends” that they have milling around are only conduits. It is about themselves and not any other for a person can be with a thousand people, both family and friends and yet, feel like he/she is alone on an island.

Having said this, I guess you would understand by now how John 15:13 feels more like something ugly, at least for a lot of Asian mindsets.

Yet, there is always a flipside to every circumstance and situation.

Let’s face it. “Greater love hath no man than this…” pretty much says it in black and while. This is the ultimate love factor. It is greater than the love that one has for loved ones or even for one’s own life. So, to have that stated is kinda, well, how should I say it? …Ouch!

But let’s look at it from another angle, that of a humanitarian viewpoint.

Who’s a friend? Someone apart from ourselves, that’s for sure.

Actually, both loved ones and friends can be friends, as well as the millions of people that need our help, not just for a good time, but more out of desperation. It’s a little hard to explain, but I guess people that you relate to on an emotional level. Yes, it is sad to admit that you can be laying next to your husband or wife and still not be able to relate to as friends. There is an emotional detachment that hurts especially when one is unable to be a friend to the other as perhaps they were at initial stages of courtship.

Over the years, that friendship seemed to have faded away. That’s truly sad.

Yet, at the very same time, when we have “discovered ourselves” or as author Gary Zukav’s book aptly titled “The Seat of the Soul” pretty much explains a settling-in of one’s own, then friends to us takes on a whole different meaning. It has become an extension of ourselves. Emotions that can be related to strangers or acquaintances (aka friends) will flow easier, although that may not necessary be so for our loved ones.

Maybe its also time to be a friend to them, too. Perhaps then, we can truly realize the words “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”